Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Yeah, Yeah, It's Been A Long Time, But I'm Here To Bitch

I hate when people invade my space when I'm in the checkout line or at the cash register. Do you REALLY have to stand so close that I can feel you breathe on me? This has happened a lot lately, now that the Massholes and other tourist assholes are in town. They have no manners whatsoever. I want to kick their asses sometimes. But I just smile sweetly and wish them a good day. Is parking really that hard? I've come out of a store to find that someone has parked thisclose to the drivers side door and I've had to get into my own frelling car on the passenger side. I need to get some of those "You park like an asshole" cards to leave on windshields. I also love the people who park in two spots for their precious vehicle. If it's so frelling precious, leave it at home and drive a rent a wreck, moron. Then there are the people who insist on parking right next to my car even though there are so many other empty spots (and I am not talking parking near the entrance - I like two walk when the weather is nice and tend to park towards the end). Then you have to park so close, YOU give ME a dirty look when you parked there after me. REALLY?!? I also love the people who have to sit next to me even though there are plenty of empty seats. Then they glare at me when I get up and move. F - U. And I still love the assholes who feel they have to play road games with me in my Beemer. Folks, it's not a race car. It's a nice car because I take care of it. It's a 1999, but some of you just HAVE to pass me on the right or left, then get in front of me and slow wayyyyyyy down, forcing me to get in the left lane to pass you. Then you do it again. Then I get pissed off, step on it and leave you in the dust. Do not piss off a Beemer owner. Just sayin'. Another thing I just love is pulling into the parking lot of our local grocery store, Hannaford, and finding that there is a vehicle coming at me on the WRONG side. I actually just stopped my car and waited for them to get on the correct side. The asshole gave me the finger, like I was at fault and wouldn't budge. So I pulled into the empty spot right there and waved and smiled at him sweetly. He did not like that. In the USA, you drive on the RIGHT side of the road and on the RIGHT side of the lane in the parking lot. Do NOT make your own lane by driving down the middle, forcing me to swerve, or insisting on getting on my side or I will sit and wait until you correct yourself. Or I'll just piss you off. So there. I'm done with my bitching for today. What sticks in your craw?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Miscellany Things That Stick In My Craw

People behind me at the grocery checkout who get mad because I'm talking with the cashier annoy the hell out of me. I like to talk to the cashier because I know most of them and while we're waiting for my credit card to be approved and the receipt to print, why not chat? Haters gonna hate. When I purposely park my car under the shade of a tree for my dog and it's at the other end of the parking lot, do you really have to park right next to me where there is no shade? When the light turns green, it means GO, not wait for a color you prefer. Giving me the finger when I let someone out of their driveway as a nice gesture on my part is only going to make me go the speed limit. And not one mile over it. If I'm at my local bar, I do not want to hear you very loudly complain, bitch and whine. Shut up and drink. If you are a dog owner and you have a poop bag, don't pick up the poop with the bag, then leave the bag on the sidewalk. Man up and carry it home to put in your trash! If you can't control your off-leash dog with your voice, it should be on a leash. There is a reason my dog (who is on a leash) doesn't like bigger dogs - she got nipped by one, so when your mastiff or german shepherd comes bounding up, she plasters herself to my legs because she is scared. Control your dog, dammit, or I'm going to kick yours! If I have coupons and one isn't working right, don't make loud fussy noises while the cashier tries to fix it. You won't make it work any faster with your rudeness. Please stop playing with me when I am driving on the highway. If you slow down, I will pass you in the left lane. That is not a cue for you to speed up, pass me, get in front of me and slow down again. I drive a BMW. I will blow you out of the water, you asshat.

Friday, March 2, 2012

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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Things That Stick in my Craw: People in General

What is it with people? Good lord. I went to put gas in my car yesterday at Cumberland Farms. There are four pumps, two on each side. One car was in the middle of the two and a van was pulled up so that I couldn't reach my gas tank. He just stared at me. Then when I swiped my card upside down, the cashier inside demanded I come inside and prepay. I went in and asked him to reset it and explained I swiped the card the wrong way. He told me I had to prepay with him. I asked him again and said if he would not, then I would go elsewhere. He reset it. I went back out and the van was gone, so I pulled up to the end so that another car could fit in behind me. At least I was polite enough to do that. At the grocery store, I'm pulling slowly out of my parking space and was pretty much out of the space when this huge SUV came roaring up, beeped angrily at me and the driver gave me the finger. Yeah, right, speeding in the parking lot is always a good idea. A couple of weeks ago, a friend from Massachusetts brought her nephew to visit me. I took them to Short Sands Beach to enjoy the video games and such at Funorama, then had lunch at the Goldenrod. As we walked out and around the building, four teenage girls looked at me, what I was wearing and began whispering and giggling, then I heard them say something about me being a tourist. I was wearing turquoise shorts and a tank top. WTF? I deliberately stopped, turned and glared at them. I almost said something, decided not to, but as we walked away I said to my friend very loudly, "Teen girls can be so damned mean these days." She agreed with me. If I'm pushing my grocery cart on the right side of the aisle and you see me coming, don't switch from the left to the right side and force me to go around you. Please don't suddenly stop in the middle of the grocery aisle, then get mad at me when I politely say, "Excuse me." We went to a thrift shop the other day and my husband was looking at something when a woman stood right next to him. He tried to ignore her, then instead of saying "Excuse me" to him, she actually pushed him out of the way and hmphed at him. Then when we left, she was in my way. I said "Exuse me" and she gave me the dirtiest look. He told me he was ready to punch her. If I have coupons, don't start bitching if you're behind me in line. Go to another cash register, asshat. That's all for now.....

Monday, July 4, 2011

Things That Stick In My Craw - Tourists Part Deux

It's tourist season again in our lovely small coastal Maine town. Which means the Massholes, New York Nitwits, Connectitits and Canadiasses are back.

I know tourism drives our town, but do you all have to be such asshats?

If I'm running in the morning with my dog, single file, is it really that hard for the two or three of you to go to single file to let us pass? Of course it is! Force us into the road, which is busy with cars so that we almost get hit several times.

If you're in a road race and running alone, don't take up the whole frelling sidewalk and give me dirty looks because I'm NOT in the road race. Share the sidewalk, you moron.

When our local grocery store puts out sawhorses in front where it already clearly has "NO PARKING" in giant letters, it does NOT mean, park in front of those sawhorses and wait for your lazy ass wife while she shops.

The same goes with parking sideways in two handicap spots when you don't even have a handicap sticker/placard. If your child in his karate uniform can't walk to where you can legitimately park, then you need to put a special helmet on his head and put him on the short bus and get a real handicap sticker.

Don't pull out of your parking spot and then start driving on the wrong side, straight at me, then give me the finger. I can't help it if you got your drivers license in a Cracker Jack box.

When I go to my local stores and the employees who know me say hello (and are genuinely happy to see a local they know) or high five me and we wink or giggle, don't give me a dirty look - or them, either. Yes, we love you're here spending your money in our town, but we have this secret "handshake" that we can't wait for you to leave.

Stop throwing your garbage on the side of the road. Is it really that hard to wait until you get back to your hotel/motel or rental and throw it in the trash? I am SICK of picking up your trash in my yard.

If you stop me to ask for directions and I honestly don't know where you're asking about, don't get ticked off at me and claim I'm just not telling you because you're a tourist. Next time I see you, I'll direct you to get on 95 north and tell you to stop when they start speaking French.

If you're polite to me, I will bend over backwards to help you get to where you want to go - I've pulled my iPhone out of my armband to do a search in Maps for people. All I ask is for a sincere "thank you."

My dog is a Siberian Husky. She is NOT a wolf (good lord, people, she's only 35 pounds, wolves are MUCH bigger and illegal to own as a pet). If your child is afraid of dogs, don't wave me off the sidewalk in anger. You should seriously take the kid to a psychiatrist and find out what the problem is. What are they going to do when they get older and encounter dogs? You can't shelter them forever. Besides, my dog in on a leash, in full control of me. I don't want your brat's dirty hands on her, anyway.

If, however, you ask nicely if you and your kids can pet her, I don't mind. She is an edu-dog (she goes to schools with me to talk to students about cyberbullying), so she gets petted by many kids at once. But do ask first!

Well, I'm glad I got that all off my chest. Have a good 4th of July and don't be asshats!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Things That Stick In My Craw - More Driving Complaints

I swear my Beemer has a "screw with me" bumper sticker that I can't see. My husband is amazed how we travel in my car and how many drivers literally screw with me. Yes, I own a BMW. Get over it.

Going to Portsmouth, NH last week and on the highway. I was in the middle lane and the guy in front of me was going slower than the speed limit. I put on my blinker, moved into the left lane to pass him and what does he do? Speeds up.

Okay.

So I get back behind him and he slows down again.

I said the "F" word, got into the left lane and as this idiot sped up, I stepped on the gas and flew by him. My hubby gave him the finger. I got in front of him and slowed down (no, not to screw with him) set cruise control to a bit over the speed limit.

He rode my bumper for a bit, but finally backed off and went back to his plodding pace.

If you're going slower then the speed limit, please get in the righthand lane.

Pulled into the parking lot at Petco, turned to find a parking spot and a car is coming right at me - on my side. They swerved and actually gave me a dirty look. WTF?

Another time, I pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store at the same time as someone pulled in opposite me. I put my car in park and they were giving me a nasty look, like I was supposed to back out and let them pull through? Hello?

Last night we were in our Jeep (an '84 CJ7) and were pulling into the library parking lot when a small car came flying at us. Parking lots are supposed to be 5 MPH or so (you should go that slow in case someone pulls out of a spot without looking). This guy was going at least 30 MPH - no kidding! My husband had to swerve to avoid getting hit and the guy driving the other car gave *us* the finger. My husband had half a mind to put the Jeep in reverse and run the idiot down. I wouldn't let him.

This morning I was at a stoplight. There was a new BMW M5 convertible in the lane next to me. When I pulled up, he insisted on pulling up a bit more to be ahead of me. At a red light. Ohhhhhh. I'm scared now.

The light turned green and as we both turned in our lanes, he stepped on the gas and took off. Like I'm gonna race him. He ended up taking a left pretty much less than 100 feet from the turn and as I passed him, I yelled, "I'm so impressed."

Why do most people who drive act like such morons? There certainly is no shortage of them on the roads. And why do insist on picking on people who drive Beemers or expensive cars? My car looks new, but it's a 1999, so please folks, find someone else to pick on.

Look! There's a Ferrari, go chase it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Things That Stick In My Craw - A Little of This, A Little of That

Just general ranting and raving today.

I was in the parking lot of a store, sitting in my parked car, talking to my hubby on my cell phone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a car headed straight for me. Horizontally. Across empty parking spaces, not in the road behind me. I said to my hubby, "Some old lady is going to hit me!"

At the last minute, she stopped. Not even a foot from my drivers side door. I couldn't believe it. She backed up and corrected her path into the road. WTF?

This is why older folks need to have their drivers test every year once they reach 65. I'm just sayin'.

I purchased a great deal from Groupon.com (if you haven't checked out the site, DO!) I got 3 movie rentals from Redbox (a kiosk at most grocery stores) for just $1 and bought 3 of those so that I got 9 rentals for just $3. Such a deal!

Printed up the first three codes to use while we were out shopping yesterday. Went to rent Despicable Me, put the code in, everything was a-okay and "your DVD is being vended" appeared on the screen. We waited. There were some grinding sounds in the machine. Hubby and I looked at each other. That was not a good sound. It was almost like the DVD was being shredded, not being vended. Waited some more. Still grinding sounds. I called the 1-800 number for Redbox and while on the phone with the guy, the screen suddenly went blank, then an error message that the kiosk was shutting down. So the guy apologized and said he'd email me a new code to replace the one I'd used. Cool!

Went to another store closer to home, put in the second code in. Invalid promo code. Okayyyyy. Redid it and used the third code. Again, Invalid promo code. By this time, I was frustrated and we went home.

Called Redbox and the girl listened to my story and checked my account and said a new code *had* been generated for the one where the DVD never came out, but the guy never emailed it to me. She then typed in the two codes I'd tried to use and she said they came up as valid. WTF?

She told me to just delete those codes and she'd issue me three new ones and emailed them to me while I was on the phone with her. Bless her heart. I got the codes and used one today to rent Megamind. No grinding noises, no error messages. Phew!

Today I went to our local Rite Aid. I'd gotten a promotional email that I could get 30 4x6 color prints for just $3 if I ordered them online, then pick them up in the store. Such a deal! Then I got a coupon for $1 off of two Butterfinger Snackrs, which were on sale for two for $1 at Rite Aid. Hey, you can't beat free, right?

Ordered the prints on the Rite Aid web site. Total there came to $5.70, but I knew they'd replace that with the $3 coupon I had. Or so I thought.

I went to Rite Aid, grabbed two of the Snackrs, then went to the photo register. A girl came and got my envelope of photos and I showed her the coupon. She said she'd take me at the register.

As she went to scan in the envelope, I tried to explain that I had the coupon and it was $3 for the 30 prints, not the price on the envelope, $5.70. She ignored me, scanned the two Snackrz, scanned the coupon so that they were free, then scanned in the $3 coupon and charged me $3 more. She actually told me $9.85 (15 cents tax). I mean, hello? You *did* go to school and pass basic math, didn't you? No, I didn't say that out loud.

I calmly pointed at the coupon and said the prints should have been $3.00, not $5.70, which is why it added $3.00 to the total. She looked totally confused, went to the store manager and came back to tell me it was $3.00 *off* - I said that would mean they would lose money (only 30 cents, but hey). She said no, it was $3.00 off. Okayyyyy.

So she voided the whole transaction and started over. Scanned in the envelope, $5.70, gave me $3.00 off of that, scanned in one Snackrs, looked at the coupon for that and said, "Oh, it's $1.00 off of two of them, so I'll just scan the one."

And promptly charged me 88 cents, then announced I owed her $3.76 instead of the $3.15 it should have been.

I'll break this down for you (and I hate math):

$3.00 for the prints
15 cents tax for the prints
0 for the snackrs
equals $3.15

Instead, she charged me:
$2.70 for the prints
15 cents tax
88 cents for the snackers
equals $3.76

At this point, I was ready to blow up. I just paid the frelling $3.76 and left.